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| How to Get People to Like You |
How to Get People to Like You
We might as well admit it. We want people to like us. If someone says, “I don’t care whether people like me or not,” he is not telling the truth.
A poll was taken among some high school students on the question, “What do you most desire?” By overwhelming majority the students voted that they wanted to be popular. The same urge is in older people.
I must warn you that you will never get everybody to like you. There is a quirk in human nature whereby some people won’t like you. It may be due to lack of rapprochement, that baffling mechanism by which we either do or do not “click” with certain people. Even if you are a “difficult” person or by nature shy and retiring, even unsocial, you can attain popularity by practicing a few simple, natural and easily mastered techniques.
First, become a comfortable person, one who is easygoing and pleasant. Christianity teaches that one basic trait will go far toward getting people to like you. That trait is a sincere and forthright interest in, and love for, people. Perhaps if you cultivate this basic trait, other traits will naturally develop.
If you are a comfortable person, do not assume that the reason other people do not like you is because of something wrong with them. Assume, instead, that the trouble is within yourself and determine to find and eliminate it. A man came to our New York clinic seeking help in personal relationships. About 35 years of age, he was splendidly proportioned and impressive. It was surprising that people would not like him. But he outlined an unhappy set of circumstances to illustrate his dismal failure in human relations.
“I do my best,” he explained, “I have tried to put into practice the rules I have been taught about getting along, but people just don’t like me.” After talking with him it was not difficult to understand the trouble. There was about him a noticeable attitude of superiority. He was rigid, self-centered and egotistical. This young man was irritable with people and he picked on them in his own mind, though no outward conflicts with other persons developed. Inwardly he was trying to make everybody over to suit himself. Unconsciously people realized this. Barriers were erected in their minds toward him.
Since he was being unpleasant to people in his thoughts, it followed that he was less than warm in his personal attitudes. He was suffering from self-love, a chief cure for which is the practice of love for others. He was bewildered and baffled when we outlined his difficulty. But he was sincere and practiced the suggested techniques for developing love of others. It required some fundamental changes, but he succeeded.
One method suggested was that at night before retiring he was to picture mentally each person he had met during the day. As he brought each face up before him, he was to think a kindly thought about that person. Then he was to pray for each one.
The first person outside the family whom this man saw in the morning was the elevator man in his apartment house. He had not been in the habit of saying anything to him beyond good morning. Now he took the time to chat with the elevator man. He asked him about his family and his interests. He actually began to like the elevator operator and in turn the elevator man, who had formed a pretty accurate opinion of the young man, began to revise his views. They established a friendly relationship. So the process went, from person to person.
One day the young man said to me, “I have found that the world is filled with interesting people and I never realized it before.” When he made that observation he proved that he was losing himself, and when he did that, as the Bible so wisely tells us, he found himself.
In losing himself he found himself and lots of new friends besides. People learned to like him.
We might as well admit it. We want people to like us. If someone says, “I don’t care whether people like me or not,” he is not telling the truth.
A poll was taken among some high school students on the question, “What do you most desire?” By overwhelming majority the students voted that they wanted to be popular. The same urge is in older people.
I must warn you that you will never get everybody to like you. There is a quirk in human nature whereby some people won’t like you. It may be due to lack of rapprochement, that baffling mechanism by which we either do or do not “click” with certain people. Even if you are a “difficult” person or by nature shy and retiring, even unsocial, you can attain popularity by practicing a few simple, natural and easily mastered techniques.
First, become a comfortable person, one who is easygoing and pleasant. Christianity teaches that one basic trait will go far toward getting people to like you. That trait is a sincere and forthright interest in, and love for, people. Perhaps if you cultivate this basic trait, other traits will naturally develop.
If you are a comfortable person, do not assume that the reason other people do not like you is because of something wrong with them. Assume, instead, that the trouble is within yourself and determine to find and eliminate it. A man came to our New York clinic seeking help in personal relationships. About 35 years of age, he was splendidly proportioned and impressive. It was surprising that people would not like him. But he outlined an unhappy set of circumstances to illustrate his dismal failure in human relations.
“I do my best,” he explained, “I have tried to put into practice the rules I have been taught about getting along, but people just don’t like me.” After talking with him it was not difficult to understand the trouble. There was about him a noticeable attitude of superiority. He was rigid, self-centered and egotistical. This young man was irritable with people and he picked on them in his own mind, though no outward conflicts with other persons developed. Inwardly he was trying to make everybody over to suit himself. Unconsciously people realized this. Barriers were erected in their minds toward him.
Since he was being unpleasant to people in his thoughts, it followed that he was less than warm in his personal attitudes. He was suffering from self-love, a chief cure for which is the practice of love for others. He was bewildered and baffled when we outlined his difficulty. But he was sincere and practiced the suggested techniques for developing love of others. It required some fundamental changes, but he succeeded.
One method suggested was that at night before retiring he was to picture mentally each person he had met during the day. As he brought each face up before him, he was to think a kindly thought about that person. Then he was to pray for each one.
The first person outside the family whom this man saw in the morning was the elevator man in his apartment house. He had not been in the habit of saying anything to him beyond good morning. Now he took the time to chat with the elevator man. He asked him about his family and his interests. He actually began to like the elevator operator and in turn the elevator man, who had formed a pretty accurate opinion of the young man, began to revise his views. They established a friendly relationship. So the process went, from person to person.
One day the young man said to me, “I have found that the world is filled with interesting people and I never realized it before.” When he made that observation he proved that he was losing himself, and when he did that, as the Bible so wisely tells us, he found himself.
In losing himself he found himself and lots of new friends besides. People learned to like him.
Learning to pray for people was important in his rehabilitation, for when you pray for anyone you tend to modify your personal attitude toward him. You lift the relationship to a higher level. The best in the other person begins to flow out toward you as your best flows toward him. In the meeting of the best in each, a higher unity of understanding is established. Granted, some people are by nature more likable than others, nevertheless a serious attempt to know any individual will reveal qualities within him that are admirable, even lovable.
A man had the problem of conquering feelings of irritation toward persons with whom he associated. For some people he had a profound dislike. They irritated him intensely, but he conquered these feelings by making an exhaustive list of everything he could possibly admire about each person who annoyed him. Daily he attempted to add to this list.
He was surprised to discover that people whom he thought he did not like proved to have many pleasing qualities. In fact, he was at a loss to understand how he ever disliked them.
Of course, while he was making these discoveries about them, they, in turn, were finding likable qualities in him.
Another factor in getting people to like you is to practice building up the ego of other persons. Whomever you help to build up and become a better, stronger, finer person will give you his undying devotion. Build up as many people as you can. Do it unselfishly. Do it because you like them and because you see possibilities in them. Do this and you will never lack for friends. You will always be well thought of. Build people up and love them genuinely. Do them good and their esteem and affection will flow back toward you.
A man had the problem of conquering feelings of irritation toward persons with whom he associated. For some people he had a profound dislike. They irritated him intensely, but he conquered these feelings by making an exhaustive list of everything he could possibly admire about each person who annoyed him. Daily he attempted to add to this list.
He was surprised to discover that people whom he thought he did not like proved to have many pleasing qualities. In fact, he was at a loss to understand how he ever disliked them.
Of course, while he was making these discoveries about them, they, in turn, were finding likable qualities in him.
Another factor in getting people to like you is to practice building up the ego of other persons. Whomever you help to build up and become a better, stronger, finer person will give you his undying devotion. Build up as many people as you can. Do it unselfishly. Do it because you like them and because you see possibilities in them. Do this and you will never lack for friends. You will always be well thought of. Build people up and love them genuinely. Do them good and their esteem and affection will flow back toward you.
