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| Reading examples from the Areas of Life Homework |
Reading examples from the Areas of Life Homework
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The excuses, reasons, and justifications for why your life is a certain way are all B.S.
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Note: the real you is in the language you used.
o It wasn’t said wrong… it was said perfectly.
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Example 1: “I end up getting sucked up by Television.”
o The TV has some form of vacuum capacity?
o Note the passive voice: “I end up getting.”
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Example 2: “I have no discipline”
o Like it’s some sort of physical condition.
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Example 3: “I end up having sleepless nights”
o Who is living this life?
o Did you meditate? Did you give up coffee? Did you see someone for therapy?
o Insomnia has been solved for decades.
o Worrying should not be mistaken for doing something.
• If we even used a small fraction of this energy to actually do something, it’s amazing how much we’d get done.
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Example 4: I think I’d be happier just quitting the Ph.D. Even though it’s been 10 years, something just keeps holding me back.
o Question from audience: What if you don’t know what the right decision is?
o Lauren’s response: You pick. Don’t hang out in the drama of the mystery.
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You’re going to make lots of decisions. In hindsight, you will feel good about some of them, and bad about some of them.
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Deal with it.
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Don’t live in this in between world where there is such a SAGA about the decision.
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People have all the answers. They need to have courage.
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When the mind and heart align, then you should go for it.
• Both talk to you all the time.
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Example 5: I’m always stressed and hungry so I am not eating well.
o Does this really logically follow?
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Example 6: “I’m a great planner, but I don’t get around to doing the things on my plan.”
o What is your definition of being a good planner?
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Example 7: Wants to learn about wines, but spouse won’t be supportive.
o Do you really need your spouse to be supportive of wines in order for you to do it?
•
Example 8: “It’s difficult to connect spiritually with my religion.”
•
The excuses, reasons, and justifications for why your life is a certain way are all B.S.
•
Note: the real you is in the language you used.
o It wasn’t said wrong… it was said perfectly.
•
Example 1: “I end up getting sucked up by Television.”
o The TV has some form of vacuum capacity?
o Note the passive voice: “I end up getting.”
•
Example 2: “I have no discipline”
o Like it’s some sort of physical condition.
•
Example 3: “I end up having sleepless nights”
o Who is living this life?
o Did you meditate? Did you give up coffee? Did you see someone for therapy?
o Insomnia has been solved for decades.
o Worrying should not be mistaken for doing something.
• If we even used a small fraction of this energy to actually do something, it’s amazing how much we’d get done.
•
Example 4: I think I’d be happier just quitting the Ph.D. Even though it’s been 10 years, something just keeps holding me back.
o Question from audience: What if you don’t know what the right decision is?
o Lauren’s response: You pick. Don’t hang out in the drama of the mystery.
•
You’re going to make lots of decisions. In hindsight, you will feel good about some of them, and bad about some of them.
•
Deal with it.
•
Don’t live in this in between world where there is such a SAGA about the decision.
•
People have all the answers. They need to have courage.
•
When the mind and heart align, then you should go for it.
• Both talk to you all the time.
•
Example 5: I’m always stressed and hungry so I am not eating well.
o Does this really logically follow?
•
Example 6: “I’m a great planner, but I don’t get around to doing the things on my plan.”
o What is your definition of being a good planner?
•
Example 7: Wants to learn about wines, but spouse won’t be supportive.
o Do you really need your spouse to be supportive of wines in order for you to do it?
•
Example 8: “It’s difficult to connect spiritually with my religion.”
o If life is about inventing, then what relationship do you want to have with your religion?
o What are you going to invent for yourself?
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Example 9: “I don’t form intimate relationships, and I don’t miss it.”
o The “Who Cares?” plan.
o It’s sad, because you’re missing out on a lot.
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Example 10: “My genes are problematic. All the people in my family are fat.”
o Investigate why everyone is so fat. Be the revolution in your family.
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Example 11: “I don’t want to do anything embarrassing in public” so I won’t have relationships.
o You avoid so many things to insulate yourself.
o But these are YOUR words, not the weather report.
o If you look back at your life, the times you are the happiest about ARE the times you took risks.
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Example 12: “I’d like to go back to school but I feel that I don’t have the tools because etc. etc.”
o You’re off the hook because you have justified why you don’t do it.
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Example 13: “I’m working on things in other areas” so I am ignoring the following areas.
o Is it valid to write off whole parts of your life?
o No. Those parts will impact your whole life and your wellness.
o What’s complicated is everything we’re avoiding.
o Key distinction: we are not making fun of you. We are laughing at humans. The people in this room are doing something about it, so you are to be lauded.
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Example 14: “I just quit smoking and drinking. I’m not sure how long it will last. I wish I could make the temptation go away. I wish I could do it in moderation. I don’t think moderation is right.”
o You have no rules, and you feel that you don’t have the ability to make your own rules.
o Write whatever rules you want, and then practice them.
o Why can’t you do moderation?
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Example 15: “I don’t know why I do these things, but I don’t think I can stop.”
o You know why you like these things.
o You can either deal, or stay in this whining state of affairs.
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Example 16: “My parent’s marriage was terrible. They didn’t want kids, but they had me. I don’t want to be tied down. I saw my parents give up so much for the family. I don’t think that family and career can go together.”
o We are all collecting evidence to support our theories.
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Example 17: “I wish I could marry her, but I can’t marry her. I am so sad because I let the woman of my dreams go.”
o Change your plan. Is it really the plan you want?
o Example: Lauren’s old criteria for boyfriends
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Shouldn’t be cute
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Should have $
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Should be Jewish.
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She tried to reconcile herself to boring.
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Lauren made a law that she was done pleasing the parents. Done protecting herself.
•
The next person she kissed had to pass the test. It’s really possible to ask for this.
o What are you going to invent for yourself?
•
Example 9: “I don’t form intimate relationships, and I don’t miss it.”
o The “Who Cares?” plan.
o It’s sad, because you’re missing out on a lot.
•
Example 10: “My genes are problematic. All the people in my family are fat.”
o Investigate why everyone is so fat. Be the revolution in your family.
•
Example 11: “I don’t want to do anything embarrassing in public” so I won’t have relationships.
o You avoid so many things to insulate yourself.
o But these are YOUR words, not the weather report.
o If you look back at your life, the times you are the happiest about ARE the times you took risks.
•
Example 12: “I’d like to go back to school but I feel that I don’t have the tools because etc. etc.”
o You’re off the hook because you have justified why you don’t do it.
•
Example 13: “I’m working on things in other areas” so I am ignoring the following areas.
o Is it valid to write off whole parts of your life?
o No. Those parts will impact your whole life and your wellness.
o What’s complicated is everything we’re avoiding.
o Key distinction: we are not making fun of you. We are laughing at humans. The people in this room are doing something about it, so you are to be lauded.
•
Example 14: “I just quit smoking and drinking. I’m not sure how long it will last. I wish I could make the temptation go away. I wish I could do it in moderation. I don’t think moderation is right.”
o You have no rules, and you feel that you don’t have the ability to make your own rules.
o Write whatever rules you want, and then practice them.
o Why can’t you do moderation?
•
Example 15: “I don’t know why I do these things, but I don’t think I can stop.”
o You know why you like these things.
o You can either deal, or stay in this whining state of affairs.
•
Example 16: “My parent’s marriage was terrible. They didn’t want kids, but they had me. I don’t want to be tied down. I saw my parents give up so much for the family. I don’t think that family and career can go together.”
o We are all collecting evidence to support our theories.
•
Example 17: “I wish I could marry her, but I can’t marry her. I am so sad because I let the woman of my dreams go.”
o Change your plan. Is it really the plan you want?
o Example: Lauren’s old criteria for boyfriends
•
Shouldn’t be cute
•
Should have $
•
Should be Jewish.
•
She tried to reconcile herself to boring.
•
Lauren made a law that she was done pleasing the parents. Done protecting herself.
•
The next person she kissed had to pass the test. It’s really possible to ask for this.
o Example: A kid wants to be a rock star. He doesn’t need to defy nature; he only needs to defy himself. The only thing to defy in this world is yourself.
• Most of us are in the business of MAKING UP COCKAMAMIE, and not busting through.
o If you think children = wrecked career, this is not self-expression. It’s a reaction.
• Invent how you want things to be; don’t just reproduce what you are given.
o The old way: “Gather evidence, make a plan, and live it out”
o The new way: “Ask what you want the plan to be and live it.”
o Take yourself off autopilot, choice by choice.
o Rationality is over-rated
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There is no IS truth.
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You get to live in your truth, and prove your truth.
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Example 18: This person is moody when people are doing things the way they feel is wrong. The person comes across as stubborn and impatient. The person cut off their father because he is close-minded.
o We inherit all of our parent’s issues.
o You have to see it all and deal with it all in order to be with the good qualities in our parents.
o Question from audience: Can you change those characteristics that you catch in your parents in yourself?
•
Lauren’s response: She had a father who “worked hard, so he deserved a few cocktails in the evening.”
•
You can catch that in yourself. No cocktails.
• Most of us are in the business of MAKING UP COCKAMAMIE, and not busting through.
o If you think children = wrecked career, this is not self-expression. It’s a reaction.
• Invent how you want things to be; don’t just reproduce what you are given.
o The old way: “Gather evidence, make a plan, and live it out”
o The new way: “Ask what you want the plan to be and live it.”
o Take yourself off autopilot, choice by choice.
o Rationality is over-rated
•
There is no IS truth.
•
You get to live in your truth, and prove your truth.
•
Example 18: This person is moody when people are doing things the way they feel is wrong. The person comes across as stubborn and impatient. The person cut off their father because he is close-minded.
o We inherit all of our parent’s issues.
o You have to see it all and deal with it all in order to be with the good qualities in our parents.
o Question from audience: Can you change those characteristics that you catch in your parents in yourself?
•
Lauren’s response: She had a father who “worked hard, so he deserved a few cocktails in the evening.”
•
You can catch that in yourself. No cocktails.
